Chapter Text
When you first washed up on the shore of that little town, you had nothing. Knew nothing. The strange, rounded beings that found you recoiled at you with your limbs thoughtlessly splayed out for the world to see, all eyes unwittingly opened.
As the idle play of a child, you tried to imitate them. Smoothed your feathers, retracted your claws, tucked in your tail, folded your limbs, closed all your eyes except those in the same place that they had eyes. The fear of the townspeople faded as you did.
They took you in, had you live in their biggest house, full of little dancing masked figures and metal charms of circles within circles. They seemed to admire you, at first, but you refused to wear their charms or make effigies of their deity. Some instinct told you they weren’t yours.
The tension rose, and rose, until you fled.
And then, you kept on fleeing. Your imitation never worked for long - but each time, you improved, got better, learned from your mistakes. You learned to fold your wings around yourself into a cloak that was easy to hide your tail behind. You learned to press your crest into a brimmed hat, so that the shadowed brim would hide your extra eyes if you accidentally cracked one open. You learned how to sharpen your thumbclaw into the shape of a dagger, and press your toes together into boots. You learned to fold your ears down into bangs of hair.
You learned to mind the length of your stride, and not to smile too wide. You learned to avert your open eyes in just the right way to never show their light, but still seem like you were paying attention. You learned to speak quietly, softly, and a little slurred so that you sounded natural. You learned what noises other than speech were acceptable (laughter, yes; crying, not in public; growling, never).
By the time you met Mirabelle and her friends, you were extremely good at being normal. You had managed to hide your true nature for an entire year, once! So you figured you could handle travelling with them for a few months.
But oh, it was hard. So much harder than usual. You had never even considered trying to overnight with humans - you were used to waking up and putting your costume back together. But now you had to somehow keep it intact even as you slept. And even when you did somehow, you got some odd looks for not swapping out clothes like the rest of them.
You hadn't even realised humans had specific clothes for the night…
You also messed up with your tendency to eat anything and everything. In towns, of course, you ate human food - bought or stolen - but in the wilderness, food was taken from the ground. Or… not. Apparently eating food that had been on the ground was ‘unsanitary’. Unless it had been washed. Unless it was a type of food which couldn't be washed. Also, some things had to be cooked, but not everything, and if it was cooked too much it was also bad.
So many rules! You tried to memorise them all, but you still had to be reminded. Luckily they seemed to write it off as ‘one of your quirks’.
You really had to be careful. A few quirks were fine, unavoidable, but it was sometimes difficult to tell when you had crossed the threshold from ‘quirky’ to ‘strange’.
And all of this was extra stressful because… well… you really enjoyed travelling with them!
Mirabelle was so very sweet, always trying to make sure other people were okay, her aura light and fizzing, brightening your day with just her presence.
Isabeau was kind and steadfast, always reassuringly by your side, his laughter a fulfilling savoury. He made your heart feel warm.
Odile was sharp and acerbic, lending a scathing commentary to any bump in the road that soothed your irritation and directed you towards the solution.
Bonnie… Bonnie gave the group the spice of youth. Kids were always funny to tease.
Yes, you… really liked them. You never ever wanted to have to flee from them, as you inevitably would.
Losing an eye to that Sadness was particularly frustrating. You wouldn't typically think twice about such an injury - you would regrow it in a year or two and in the meantime you could just shuffle another one of your eyes in place. But your friends saw. And you knew that regrowing eyes isn't something that gets written off as a quirk.
So now you must close all your eyes but one. If you feel blinkered normally, now it’s like trying to live life peering through a pinhole. With only one eye, you can't even perceive depth! You can only be grateful that no one mentions how you start to sneak away at night more often to have a chance to truly look at the sky.
But… it's all worth it, to stay with them a little longer.
When you begin looping, you meet a being underneath the Favour Tree. It’s a being a little like you, except with nothing human to them at all. Wings and eyes and claws and all, but no face, no clothes, no mouth. They shine with an astral light that makes it clear that they are something else.
They mention, once, that it's nice not to hide. You point out that they literally hide from Isabeau at the start of every loop behind the leaves of the tree.
They giggle. “Not that kind of hiding, stardust! It’s just nice to stretch my wings. Why don’t you do it too? There's no one around.”
Their words are cruel. They must know that you forgot how.
You start to slip a little, in the loops. Your friends don’t remember, can't remember, so you can afford to be a little more quirky than you would. Not too much, of course - between the vast experience gap and your inexplicable knowledge, you’re still spending just as much effort on your disguise as usual.
But if the occasional eye cracks open under your brim to help you aim an attack, or the dagger in your hand moves strangely, or the fabric of your cloak momentarily splits into feathers - well, it's a very stressful day. It seems like they're more likely to assume it’s a trick of the strange light in the House.
Things go wrong.
You have to kill the king. You have to be the one to deal the final blow, you're sure that this is the key. But it all takes so long, and you just want to get it all over with…
You try to tell Mirabelle about how it's okay that she’ll be alone forever. She slaps you - she slaps you?? You’re so shocked that you forget yourself, and don’t even realise until Mirabelle finishes her rant and actually takes in what she’s seeing.
Your feathers, fluffed up. Your ears, held back. Your tail between your legs.
She flees without a word.
It’s fine. It’s fine. They never mentioned anything before. She’ll think she hallucinated it.
Spurred onwards by some destructive urge, you carry on. This time, when Bonnie cries about how you got hurt, you give in to the impulse of the guilt that’s haunted you every time. You show them the rest of your eyes.
They run away screaming.
Odile’s quest you don't even manage to screw up before she's asking you if you’re okay. Stars, stars, stars. Is it so difficult to follow the script? You lash out at her verbally, and don't even realise your claws and fangs are out until she’s grabbed your collar and won't let go because she's staring at your mouth.
You close it. She lets go and looks at your hands. You slowly curl them back into fists-holding-daggers, and then pull them back under your cloak.
She. Doesn't comment on it. Just mentions the Clocktower, that she doesn't want to see you for a while, and stalks off.
Isabeau last.
He already knows something’s up when you approach him. You are so composed as, in response to your pleading, you eviscerate him with your words. Call him weak, useless. Point out how he can never escape himself no matter how much he Changes. And take out your frustration on him about how he will never, ever be brave enough to take the first step!
He, too, is composed as he responds. But you mess up. You meet his eyes. And what he says then really is heartbreaking.
“W… What? What have you done with Siffrin?!”
You’re the one to flee. It’s fine. It’s fine. You'll show up at the Clocktower and be perfectly normal, and convince them all that that was just an impostor. It’s. Fine.
Loop doesn't seem to think that killing the king yourself will work. But it has to work. It has to. Or else - or else -
You arrive at the clocktower, late. You enter, silently. You listen in.
“A-and then I looked at him again,” says Mirabelle haltingly. “And his cloak and hat, they looked all wrong. And then I realised they weren't a cloak and hat at all, they were… feathers… Madam Odile, are you sure that was… truly Siffrin? They… they wouldn’t really say things like that, right?”
“Well,” Odile says, with a sigh. “It was truly Siffrin, in the sense that Siffrin was never human. I’m frankly amazed none of you ever realised. But as for how truthful Siffrin ever was… I cannot say.”
There is a grim silence for a second. Odile speaks up again. “He could arrive any minute. So we need to decide.”
They know. They know. They know.
And they don’t trust you. Oh, Isa, Mira, and Bonnie protest at first, but when Odile asks them if they can say they trust you… it's silence.
And so, before they can decide to leave you behind, you take the Orbs and leave them behind instead.
You wander through the jumbled House lost and alone. You might not know how to properly drop your disguise, but with no one around you can at least spread your toes, open your eyes. You rip through Sadnesses like they’re not even there. You navigate through repeating rooms and nonsensical paths. You ignore the ghosts of your friends that break their lines to mock you and your pathetic disguise.
You make the mistake of looking at the picture of yourself from the mirror. What looks back is something awful, twisted, beastly. Something that strikes fear into the hearts of humans.
The King acts differently this time, when you show up alone, smelling of burnt sugar, eyes open and claws out. He responds in kind, armour unfolding into multitudinous carapaced limbs, locks of hair twisting as if they had their own mind, eyes and eyes and eyes opening to meet your gaze.
You acknowledge each other, as fellow creatures of avarice, and begin your fight.
Siffrin never shows up to the Clocktower. You knew he wouldn’t, not after what you so stupidly said. You, Mira, and Bonbon argue with Madam Odile until she relents and allows you one hour to search for Siffrin in the morning.
You make your way to the Favour Tree. You doubt they would be there, but if ever there was something you wished for…
You don’t expect your wish to be granted by an astral creature climbing down from the branches of the tree. You can’t really understand its shape beyond there being a lot of feathers, a lot of eyes, and a lot of claws. Its head shines with the same light that was in Siffrin’s eyes, but so brightly you can't look.
“Heya, Fighter,” it says, its teasing tone barely covering its obvious suppressed rage. You step back, intimidated. “Having regrets, huh? Didn't recognise your poor little Traveller when they got a little too quirky for you?”
“What…” you say, and then firm your resolve. “Do you know where Siffrin is?”
The creature contemplates you for a second, then huffs like a guard dog. “Yes. Your Traveller is currently making his way through the House all by himself. Guess he couldn't bear the thought of being left behind, teehee!”
What? Did Siffrin listen in on your conversation? And then steal the Orbs?? How long has he been in there?!
It doesn't matter. You have to get the others and go after him. You’re about to dash off when the creature calls out. “Wait!”
You look back at it. It falters, slightly. It's a lot less intimidating all of a sudden. “You won’t make it through the house yourselves. I’ll help you. And I'll explain everything. Siffrin…” it looks far off, as if thinking about something deeply. “Well… he's not doing great, but he’s not… a few minutes won't make any difference.”
When you finally catch up, it takes a few seconds for your mind to make sense of the scene before you. A bedraggled, bloody puff of pale feathers is kneeling, frozen, before something that you can only describe as a giant nightmarish mantis-crab-jellyfish. You notice its spiked head and suddenly realise that that’s the King.
And Sif, you see with a sort of horrified pride, gave as good as he got, by the gashes and cracks leaking a bubbling fluid down the King’s body. But the King is the one still standing. So all of you dash past and place yourselves between Sif and the King, Mira pumping them full of healing Craft as she passes.
Mira beats the King. Reflects his attack back upon him, freezes him in time as he remembers his country. The curse on the House lifts. But celebrating can wait until Siffrin is okay.
He stumbles to his scaled feet, expression still dazed and unbelieving. They clutch at their limp, unmoving wings with sickle-edged claws - you’re just now realising that Sif never had daggers - and try to arrange them back into the shape of a cloak. They wince as they do. Some of his extra eyes meet yours and widen before shutting tight, which obviously doesn't help his disorientation as he stumbles again.
Your heart breaks a little bit at the sight. You approach him carefully. His ears perk up at the sound of your footsteps and then deliberately flatten down into an imitation of hair. “Sif,” you say. “I-it’s okay. You don't have to do that.”
Sif turns to look at you - or rather, look slightly to the left of you, as you notice now, avoiding showing you the light in his eyes. He doesn't speak, but the look of confusion on his face says it all. He takes a step forward and begins to collapse.
You rush forward and grab him. He raises a hand and, very deliberately, retracts his claws before holding onto your supporting arm. Together, you slowly walk through the next door.
There, you have your big fight.
After your little… your big (hah) freakout, your family take a break right in that room. You take the opportunity to apologise to everyone individually. They have a few things to say of their own, too.
“Siffrin,” Mira says hesitantly. “You aren’t… actually blessed by the Change god, are you?”
It startles a laugh out of you. “No?? What makes you think that??”
Mira’s blush is visible even on her dark skin. “I- It’s just! The way you change shape, it looks, very similar, to what an actual real Change blessing is supposed to look like??”
You giggle. “No way. The Change god likes you way more than it likes me.”
Mira blinks. “...what?”
Oh. “Oh, um, I know you don't want spoilers, but I think you’d want to know this. Um. We met the Change God once?”
“And…” Mira says. “It… likes me.”
You nod. “Yeah! It took the face of your statue, and everything.”
“And… it doesn’t… like you?”
Um. “Well,” you say. “Um. I don’t think it liked the time loops very much. But it liked how they changed me?”
Mira opens her mouth. Shuts her mouth. Opens her mouth. Says, eventually, “I am going to process that later.”
That's fair.
You approach Bonnie guiltily, but weirdly enough they look a little guilty too. “...Heyfrin,” they say. “...Listen. Nille… Nille always said it was really rude to be afraid of someone for how they look. Even if it's really weird. So. Um.”
They puff out their cheeks. “I’M SORRY FOR BEING SCARED OF YOUR WEIRD EYES!”
“No, it’s-” you try to say.
Then they punch you in the stomach. You double over in pain and confusion. “AND STOP CRABBING KEEPING THEM CLOSED, YOU CRAB!!!”
You hesitantly crack one more eye open. Bonnie crosses their arms in approval. “Hmph.”
Then they hesitate. “...You said it wasn’t that big a deal, but… you still had to pretend to only have one eye because of me… For a really long time… If I had to pretend to only have one eye I would get so mad. And I only have two eyes!”
You chuckle. “You would get so mad?”
“So mad,” Bonnie confirms. “Frin… you still… got hurt because of me. And you did all that pretending because of me. I don’t want that. Promise not to do that.”
It takes some convincing, but you eventually cave in and promise to do your best.
You talk a little more with Bonnie, then approach Odile. She calls you cute, explains her theory about the timeloops. And then you ask.
“So… you always knew?”
“Hm?” Odile says.
You look to the side. “About me being… not… human.”
“Oh,” says Odile. “Well. Yes. From fairly early on.”
“So… why did you never say anything?” you frown at her.
Odile thinks about it. Then she smiles. “It didn’t seem that important.” Then she tilts her head back. “And, you were obviously trying to keep it secret. I was respecting your privacy.”
“...I thought you hated secrets,” you say.
Odile shrugs. “I hate secrets when they're about me. Or important things. But… did your humanity, or lack thereof, really change anything about our quest?”
“Well-” you say. “...I guess not?”
“There you go then,” Odile smirks.
Not important. Not important. …Amazing.
Last, as always, is Isabeau. And he finally, finally confesses. It's everything you ever hoped for. But, you don't have an answer yet. You love Isabeau, yes, but… Is it the right way? For that? And… can it even work when you’re not human?
…Well, according to the books Mira reads, it can.
It's at this point, with Isa still holding your hands, that you hear a strange noise and feel a strange feeling. Isa’s eyes widen. “Sif…” he whispers. “Are you… purring???”
It’s. Not quite purring. The sound is a little more warbling, like the coo of a pigeon. But. It is definitely you making that noise. You feel heat rise to your cheeks.
Mira perks up from the other side of the room. “Purring?!”
Before you know it, your family members are crowded around you again, listening to you make that noise. It's not normal. Not human. But they're so happy to hear it.
You feel warm inside. Your purring gets louder.
